Becoming Mom
Feb. 2016 – I got an urgent call, my best friend at the time was having her children taken. She needed me to do what I could to go through the DCFS system so that the children could come stay with me. I loved her, I loved her kids, I was their God Mother so of course I said yes without hesitation. Over night I took on two small children. A beautiful little girl who was 3 1/2 and a handsome boy who was just 10 months old.
I didn’t have children of my own. I have POCOS and because of that becoming pregnant has been an issue for me. My husband and I were on our medical journey to help us out when we took on these two beautiful children. It was an eye opening experience!
I didn’t get 9 months to prepair. I didn’t get any baby showers to help out with clothes or items we may need. Not only did I get thrust into full time parent hood of two children but I got thrust into our often broken foster care system. I was not a foster parent, I was “Fictive Kinship”. I am not blood related to these children but due to the bond I already had with them and their family I was considered a family placement. I still had to abide by all the DCFS rules and regulations. I opened my home up to their inspection and monthly visits. I under went drug testing. I did what I needed to do so that I could have these babies with me instead of strangers.
I’ve heard often about how I’m “amazing” for taking in these babies. I assure you, I am not. I simply have a mothers heart. Taking in these two kids opened up the world of foster care to me, the good, the bad and the down right ugly. I admit, some of these foster parents are really amazing. They take in kids who they have no idea who they are, where they came from or what they have been subjected to. That is amazing to me. I knew these kids, I already had love for them, taking them in was the easy part.
The hard part has been struggles I would have never guessed. My friendship with their mom has suffered as a result. I will always be open to communication with her, she is my “baby mama” and I will always have that love for her because my kids do. I will never speak down about her to them and I will never deny their relationship. Our kids love both of us.
Our cps case closed in October of 2018 with my husband and I having guardianship. Our case was open for almost 3 years with both biological parents failing to do what they needed for CPS in order to get their kids back. Towards the end of the case they were facing termination of their rights so both agreed to the guardianship. My husband and I are planning on adopting these wonderful kiddos in the future.
It took a couple of years before I got used to being their “Mom”. Sis had started calling me “mommy” after just 10 months of having her with us. I told her she could call me whatever she chooses (Lolo or mom). Bub started talking and he too followed sissy’s lead. Although I was called mom on a daily basis, I didn’t really feel like “Mom”. I knew they had a mother, she was a good friend at one point. I felt more like a long term baby sitter. Plus at the beginning I did have hope that my friend would be able to pull it together and that she would get the kids back. The more time passed, the more I realized that this was going to be for the long haul – the more I felt like Mom. I was doing more than their mom was, I was in the dirt of it all – raising two kids and dealing with all the emotions the whole situation left on everyone.
Today I proudly call them my kids without hesitation. I acknowledge they have another mom when it comes up and am always ok with that. This was how God answered my prayers. I wanted children to raise, I ended up with two beautiful kids. I may not have given birth to them but I would die for them in a heart beat. They have become the center of my world. They are mine just as much as hers.
So that’s how I became a mom. Over night I started parenting but it took a few years to become comfortable being “mom”. My heart is not shut off from foster care. I would love to help more children in the future, but right now our hearts and home are pretty full with the two little ones we have. Sis is about to turn 7 and bubby is 4 now. It’s been amazing watching them grow, and it’s been more amazing being their mommy.
