August 3rd I turned 40 years old.
Yes, I know – to some I am still yet a young woman who has the majority of her life ahead of her (God willing) and have nothing to worry about…
And I’m not “worried” per say; However, I have experienced a sort of “Mental Shift”. I can’t really explain it but my 40th birthday caused a bit of chaos in my head that I am still reeling from and sorting through.
I love my Age
Old enough to know better, Young enough to not care
Experienced enough to do it
It’s not that I feel old. I mean I have the normal aches and pains of someone who isn’t at the top of their health game, but all in all I feel pretty good. I’ve aged gracefully and am fairly healthy. 40 is a number all adults contend with when it comes to our health – it takes a little more work to stay in shape and hereditary aliments start kicking in (thanks for the arthritis mom).
What has thrown me through a loop goes beyond the physical and numerical aspects of turning a milestone age. Something in my mind has slid sideways and for some reason this idea of how awful it would be to live a stagnant life has been hounding me, has me questioning all sorts of things. I’ve talked to a close friend about it and she has reassured me that she also went through this just a couple years ago. In the 5 days since my birthday I have been doing a lot of soul searching and re-evaluating. I am discovering things about myself that I didn’t quite realize were there. I have acknowledge things in my life that I am longing for and I have been thankful for what I do have. I have questioned beliefs and re-evaluated what I need in my life now and for the future. I have realized what I’ve just “settled for” in my life and what has been a true blessing. It has been a crazy mental struggle.
Who am I going to be coming out on the other side of this shift? I’m still not sure. We all go through points in our life that help define who we are, who we want to be and where we are headed. I’ve always known that “No one knows what the future holds”. Things change in life, it’s what is supposed to happen. In order to grow and experience life for all it’s worth we must be willing to face these changes or make them. Sometimes they’re changes we can’t control, sometimes they’re changes we need to make in or for ourselves. Life is Unpredictable. Life is Spontaneity. We are not guaranteed tomorrow.
To many people loose their passion. Their spark for life. They go through their day to day lost in a comfortable routine. They loose their motivation to want/do/see/learn more due to being to comfortable where they are. They fear change, even if it’s for the better. They shy away from new experiences and cling to what they are used to.
To many people let their fears guide them. Don’t be afraid to act a little foolish and have fun – Don’t be afraid to dance in the rain – Don’t be afraid to live life. There is so much out there in this big world for us as humans to experience. People, places, things – amazing how many people never leave one town for their whole lives. So many things they will never experience.
I love life. The passion, the creativity, the beauty, the darkness, the rawness, the unpredictably, the coincidences, the laughter and the tears. Life is a beautiful mystery. It’s fleeting and wonderful. I don’t ever want to feel stagnant. I don’t ever want my laughter to stop or my free spirit to be diminished. I don’t want to get stuck in a constant routine just because it’s what’s comfortable and what I’m used to. I don’t ever want to loose the passion or motivation that drives me to always get the most out of life that I can.
I turned 40 and though many said nothing in my life would change, something did. Me. Like I said before, I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is but my mentality about life has definitely shifted. I will always be an evolving soul – my spirit guided by passion and creativity. I will never stop wondering, dreaming and striving for more of whatever life has to offer. It’s not that I’ll never be satisfied, because I am, but I am unable to just sit back and watch life pass me by just because I’m comfortable. I am a fire sign and I will do what needs to be done so my fire never diminishes until the last of my days.